E84: How To Stay Sober When Your Spouse Still Drinks

Is it possible to stay sober, when your spouse still drinks? This is one of the most common challenges our listeners have shared with us, so we've rounded up some guests to share their experiences with it. Of course, the answer is very personal and unique to your situation. But we hope that with some added perspective, maybe you'll find some tips and tools to navigate this situation in your home, if it's one you are struggling with.

Join us as we chat with Kate (Walking The Straight Line), Jordana (Executive Director of a healthcare organization) and Through the Glass regular Sherralynn about how our partner's drinking has affected our sobriety, and how we've learned to handle it.

In this episode:

• Understanding that you aren't the problem - it's not your fault
• Codependency and enmeshment, and how they affect our marriages
• You can't fix or save anyone, no matter how much you love them
• Prioritize building a support community
• You can't get sober for someone else - and that applies to your spouse as well
• Shifting away from being "drinking buddies" and finding a new identity within the marriage
• Making the decision to separate
• Knowing and communicating boundaries
• Understanding what is your responsibility, and not taking on more than that
• Finding the courage to communicate your needs
• Learning to prioritize yourself and your sobriety

Meet our guests:

My name is Jordana Blesa sober 11 years. Sobriety date 12.27.12. I was born in South America (Argentina) raised in sunny California. I was born into a family of Medical Professionals who were very successful in the medical field. I struggled with school growing up and was labeled with several mental health diagnoses so I believed for a long time “I was and am a problem”. Through my journey of recovery I see that mental health is a “super power” and with the appropriate tools, resources and authentic relationships 

I am more than capable and competent. 

As a young adult I was home schooled and placed in sports: Gymastics and Figure Skating. I excelled at sports and travelled the world as a professional figure skating representing the USA. After several traumatic events I walked away from the sport and went down a journey of self-sabotage, self-imposed crisis and overcame all obstacles and barriers by grace. Through anger and “proving a point” I was able to obtain my Bachelors degree in business and my MBA. All my experiences have led me to work in the behavioral health field. I currently work as an Executive Director for a healthcare organization and have been for the past 4 years helping family members, loved ones, dependent individuals and showing them with a team how recovery is beautiful, rewarding and life is meant to be lived. My mantra is “your past does not define you”. Personally I am an advocate for recovery, live my truth, help others in the recovery community and try my best plant the seed that recovery is possible. I am 39 years old, married and living in Baltimore, Maryland pursuing my dreams in healthcare with a robust team by building from the ground up a 300 bed substance abuse/ mental healthcare facility revolutionizing treatment for Marylanders. 

 My goal is to continue to disrupt the industry of healthcare, continue planting seeds that recovery is possible and being a living example that recovery is possible. “Together we can change the world”. 

Social media- 

Instagram- jordy_84-https://www.instagram.com/jordy_84?igsh=Nmp5bnp2Y2h1YnJ0&utm_source=qr

Facebook- Jordana Blesa-https://www.facebook.com/TiAmoMiAmore?mibextid=AEUHqQ

Linked In- Jordana Blesa-https://www.linkedin.com/in/jordana-blesa-a05b15b4?utm_source=share&utm_campaign=share_via&utm_content=profile&utm_medium=ios_app

Non-profit Director for f#ck the Stigma

Instagram  - https://www.instagram.com/fukthestigma?igsh=MXNwMzM4b2Y2MHc3eA==

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FTStigma?mibextid=AEUHqQ

YouTube- https://youtube.com/@fthestigma?si=q5BY8ji_lax3J3Wy

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Kate Taylor is a seasoned writer and editor, having worked in London, New York and Rome and with companies such as Disney and the United Nations. She is a big voice on Instagram where she talks about her sobriety and the journey from drinking wine on a nightly basis to where she is today. You can follow her at @walking_the_straight_line

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Sherralynn is a bookish, Anglo-French mum of three who is currently between jobs, but a communicator by profession. She was raised in Norfolk, UK and lives near Paris, France with her French family and cat. Sherralynn’s sober journey began in 2016 after discovering This Naked Mind, and becoming “sober curious”. One baby and several other breaks from alcohol later, she found her sober tribe in August 2022, including Julie and Steve, and hasn’t looked back since. She can be found at @sober_af_for_today on Instagram, or on IAS under Motivated_AF.

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Visit our website at throughtheglassrecovery.com for more information about all of the sobriety resources we offer!